Love Languages

Summary of the book “The 5 Love Languages” (Gary Chapman). No need for the book anymore. A very important topic for everyone to understand is that people have different love languages.

1: Words of Affirmation

“The tongue has power over life and death”.

• Compliments
• Encouraging words
• Kind words
• Humble words

Keep a notebook of “Words of Affirmation” to use. Look for your partners strength, and appreciate these strengths. Tell it regularly, even better in front of others. Thank partner for something they routinely do.

2: Quality Time

• Undivided, focused attention
• Quality Conversation (sharing experiences, thoughts, feelings and desires in a friendly context)
• Focus on listening, not speaking
  • Learning to listen: Not just listen until you understood the problem and gave advice
  • Learning to talk: add self revelation
• Quality activities (at least one partner needs to enjoy it. Purpose is to be together, not the activity)

3: Receiving Gifts

• a gift is something you hold in your hand and say “look, she was thinking of me” / “remembering me”
  • the gift itself is the symbol of that thought
• cost of gift matters little, if not out of proportion
• see which gifts excited the partner
• see it as an investment
• physical presence in time of crisis is the biggest gift

4: Acts of service

• doing things you know your partner would like you to do
• seek to please partner by serving them
• services need thought, planning, time, effort, energy
• can request things of each other, but never demand

5: Physical touch

• not all touches and places are created equal. best instructor is the partner itself.
• implicit touches require little time but much thought

Love makes the difference

Basic needs are security, self-worth, and significance. Love interfaces with all three. Self worth is fed by the fact that partner loves me.

The need for significance is the emotional force behind muich of our behaviour. Feeling loved by a partner enhances our sense of significance.